1-3

Hoo boy, I tell you.  I have not slept in a few days.  Maybe two.  My point is I am very sleep deprived.  Now, how's that?  Isn't that awesome?  So, if I start to not make any more sense, well there you have it.  I am bonkers right now.  This is craaaazzzzzyyy.  So, why am I so nuts right now?  That is a good question.  Perhaps I need professional help.  Nah, I'm just yanking your chain.  No, what's really going on is that I chose to forgo sleep for further exploration.  After all, I accomplished a lot.  I was too excited and energized, though I may just fall asleep writing this, who knows.

I made it to the next world and I just could not wait to swing my sword around.  It sure beats the stick (or if you want to get literal, cuts the stick, gufaw, gufaw).  So, I decided to make the final cut.  Alright, alright, I'll stop.  Yeah, so, the next world was quite the opposite of the last one.  Instead of going down, down, down, we went up, up, up.  And it was exhausting, but fun.  Yeah, I had to dodge giant tomatoes.

TOMATOES!!!

Boy, this adventure just keeps getting better and better.  Tomatoes.  Yeah.  And the sword doesn't do jack to them.  Nope, nope, nope.  Sword does nothing, can you believe that.  I lost count at how many times I died getting pummeled by giant tomatoes.  Oh hang on, what's this?  Apparently, my friend, you have a counter recording how many times I died since I started this adventure.  And you know what?  It's pretty depressing to see just how many deaths there have been on my part.  Some hero I am.  Will they do away with me?  Am I going to get fired?  No, I can't get fired, I need this stupid job.  I got to make something of myself.  Damn you and your death tolls.  Oh forget, I'm just rambling.  Maybe I do need sleep or something.

No, no, I must tell you about my exciting adventures.  Tomatoes came my way and I had to dodge them once I got the gist of it, anyway.  And I did.  Left and right to avoid massive red fruit.  How humiliating, right?  And as if that wasn't enough, I also had to push against the river that was coming down the mountain.  Yup, as I neared the top, the rain came in and poured like crazy.  Lightning, thunder, winds, the whole shebang.  I wasn't sure if I was going to drown in rain or be electrocuted by lightning striking the rain.  It was pretty damned frightening if I do say so myself.  But trust me, it was scary.  The resistance and weight of the water became damn unbearable.  I really had to grasp the mud with my feet and hold on.  If I wasn't exhausted before, I was really exhausted by weightlifting of my own body. 

And it gets even better.

All of the chomping, walking veggies that I encountered earlier came surfing down on me on leaves.  I had to avoid that too.  Luckily, my sword worked on them.  A whack or two and they were down.  Still, I had to make sure my sword connected in order to slay them and not die.  Oh by the way, all those deaths meant I had to start at the bottom of the mountain again each time.  *SIGH*.  Oh well, at least I got a good work out in.  So, yup, that was it.  Climb, swing sword, lift my heavy body (shut up) out of the mud and water and repeat.  And then, I reached the top. Yay.  And realized I had to go down the other side.  Crap.  I noticed two more things as well.

The first was the cute little jingle that appeared on you once I reached the top.  It said checkpoint.  I have to admit to missing that before.  And that was, of course, assuming it happened before.  Maybe I was just too caught up in...whatever.  The point I think is that...uh...did that make any sense?  Sorry, think I'm fading.  Right, I was trying to say is that now I think I can die and start back from this spot.  Well, I decided not to chance that discovery.  At this point, there was no way I wanted to start back at the bottom of the mountain.  Nope, nope, nope.

The other thing I noticed were all the veggies riding the leaves were coming up from the direction I needed to go.  That gave me a fun idea.  So, I naturally killed one and stole their leaf.  That's right, I forced it to LEAF its spot, mwuahahahahahahaha.  Go ahead, say it:

I'm a terrible person.

But whatever, that's just a minor detail.  So, I got on the leaf and rode it down.  That was much nicer that sloughing uphill through the mud.  Still, as I rode the leaf downward, I had to maintain control of the direction either left or right and avoid veggie enemies.  Oh and I died at least once or twice more.  Well, at least I got prove my checkpoint theory.  Then, I noticed my life counter which said I had only one left.  I knew that if I died once more, I would have started all the way at the bottom of that stupid mountain.  So, I was real careful in abilities.  I steered the leaf to the left and the right and swung at every eggplant and worms and what have you.  Yes, I was at the peak of my abilities, knowing full well the consequences of even the slightest mistake.  I saw the bottom, it was near.  I felt a torrent of adrenaline having glimpsed my victory exit from this stormy mountain.  Nothing could stop me at all.  I would continue against the powers that be.  I would conquer everything they threw at me.  I would be unstoppable.

And then I hit a rock.

And died.

"FFFFFFFFF!@#$#%$#@#$%$#%$#$@!@#$^&^*(M)!!!"

That was my response.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO CLIMB ALL THE WAY UP THAT @#$! #^(! MOUNTAIN AGAIN???  SSSSSHHHHHH!@#$$%$%^%&%&^#$!@!@!@w!!!!  WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF SADISTIC GAME OR SOMETHING?!?"

"SSSSSIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHH!!!"  

Anyway, after that frustration, I finally got it a second time.  Yup, after memorizing the pattern of the mountain and my enemies and every other freaking obstacle they could throw at me, I made it.  It was lovely and I was exhausted.  I made it to the other side.

And then, realized it wasn't over quite yet, oh no.

I had to walk a little further.  Really?  After all that?  Are you kidding me?  Nope and Yup.  Just a little further and then the victory jingle.  And then, the sky lit up, clearing rain.  And I danced and fell from exhaustion.  Then, I got up from renewed energy after conquering the mountain.  I saw the castle from here.  So, instead of sleeping like a sane person before a next adventure, I pushed forth into the castle.

Oh man, now things were getting intense.  I'm dead serious.  This was a castle.  I have yet to encounter a castle.  But, fear not, for I had my trusty sword with me and whatever blue power-up I could find.

The gates lifted ever so menacingly.  The storm returned as if to laugh at me.  And I entered with a gulp and wide panic and terror that menaced me in ways you couldn't imagine (probably because you are just a recorder on my wrist).  I entered the forbidden castle of ominousness and well, entered.

Okay, okay, I swear it was getting exciting.

The air was stale and the walls were decrepit and eerie.  There were echoes that rang all throughout.  That made it impossible to gage if anybody was coming at me until they were closer. 

So, I continued into the dark hall of doom.  Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  At least, that was the sound I imagined I should hear.  And of course, more monsters came right at me.  It was quite interesting.  They were ants.  That's right, ants.  They were not happy to see me.  Unless they show love and affection by charging at me with their pincers.  So, I jabbed with sword and they were felled. 

That's right, don't screw with a hero.  I know what I am doing.  And then, I had to avoid swing scythes. 

How cliche. 

And then, I had to wait for moving platforms over lava.  Lava?  Really?

And then, I had to immediately slash at another ant that met me right at the other side.

And avoid another scythe.

And avoid the lava pit and the cliff and the ants and the scythe and the stairs that flattened out and the spiked ball that came crashing down and I just lost my sanity right there, blah, blah blah blah...

Sorry about that, nearly dozed off again.

So, anyway, as I was saying, I finally made it to another checkpoint.  I said to myself:

"Holy crap, how much more is there to go?"

In case you were wondering, yes, I lost more lives in the castle.

How discouraging.

But after more thrusting and slashing and running and dodging and dying and losing my air all at the same time, I finally made it to some big, important-looking door.  It was darker than the rest of the castle which helped it stand out.  It was even darker than the darkness (I don't know, it just has that feel).

At this point, I managed to nab a blue power up.  Instead of firing like a ball from my stick, it flew out of my sword like an arc every time I swung it.  Neat huh?  I could cover more ground that way.

So, I approached the door of darkness and entered after it slowly creaked opened and then, slowly creaked closed behind me with an air of finality (like how dramatic I can be)?  The lights were dim but brightened as I approached the keeper of the castle.  It was horrifying, monstrous, the most wretched creature I had laid eyes on.  It was:

A GIANT GRASSHOPPER!!!

To be honest, I wasn't surprised at this point.  All I knew was that I had to avoid its hopping, lest I die.  Luckily, I survived the encounter without death. 

At first, I had no idea what I was supposed to do.  I swung my arc, but it did nothing to its body.  And then, it bent over and I swung at its head.  It changed color from green to blue.

Weird, I know.

Then, it started to hop faster and I was like "Oh crap."

So, I ran and waited and ran and waited for the monstrous of monsters to cower in fear whilst I swung my mighty arc at its wretched face.  Once again, I made impact.

And once again it turned to a color red and hopped faster.

I was like, oh shit oh shit oh shit all the way around the room.  And then, it hopped on me and made me lose my blue powers.

Stupid bugger.

Out of spite, I ran some more.  And I took my sword and jabbed it in his face.

And then, it exploded into nothingness.  I was stunned.  I couldn't believe I won my first victory against something that big.

Without dying, too.  Now that's impressive.

The only thing it left behind were a pair of legs that were smaller than me.  I grabbed them and they infused themselves within me.  I felt like I could so much more.  And then, my masters of three came to talk to thee (I love rhyming, especially when I have good timing).  They told me that since I defeated the ruler of this world, I have received the power to hop higher than ever before.

I didn't realize I was a able to hop in the first place, but hey, I'll take it.

They told me it was a grand victory and praised me lots.  I liked that.  It gave me my confidence back.  And then, they said I had seven more worlds to go before they disappeared.

Yup, victory was mine and wait...SEVEN  MORE????

That feeling of accomplishment last about as long their appearances.  Wow, I had a ways to go.  And how much harder was it to get from this point on?  On the one hand, I leveled up again by the end of it.  So, I chose to transform my sword into a mallet.  Alas, parting was such sweet sorrow, but I was curious enough to see what was behind the large boulders.

So, that was my last two adventures  and now I bid thee farewell for the night for I am exhausted and......sleeeeppppyysdlkjfskd.f.ds.fjjfkasfjkdsaddddddddddddddddddddd..............................................................................................................................................................