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Dear Log,

Whoa, my mind is blown.  I suppose I should introduce myself.  I am the Hero.  Yup, that’s right: THE HERO.  What, you were expecting a name?  Sorry, but they told me I didn’t have a name.  Apparently, I’m just “the Hero.”  Who’s they, you ask?  The floating heads…all three of them.  This really sounds weird, doesn’t it?  Hey, wait a minute, who are you to judge?  You are just a log.  Alright, alright, I started writing in this to clear my thoughts.  I suppose I should start from the beginning.  I’m still trying to figure this crap out.  Okay, so here it goes.  I was sleeping.  It was nice.  And then, these three floating heads wake me up and I freak out, naturally.  No bodies, no arms.  Just heads.  Three of them.  Floating in the air…glowing.  It was bizarre to say the least.  At that point I should have questioned my sanity, but I couldn’t help but listen to what the floating heads had to say.  It was mesmerizing to least.  Apparently, I’ve been chosen as the Hero to save the realms from the evil tyrant named…well, Tyrant.  Don’t ask, I don’t know.  All I do know is how honored I feel.  Plus, the floating heads were terrifyingly powerful and I didn’t want to screw with that (Hey, when you see glowing floating heads coming your way, you tell me you’re going to argue with them).
To be honest I was feeling like my life was going nowhere fast, anyway.  For the most part, I just kind of spend my days loitering around the village, aimlessly.  Everybody that lives here is nice enough, but still keep their distance.  It’s like they knew this was coming or something.  The myth of the selected Hero has gone around our village like you wouldn’t believe.  Basically, the idea is exactly how it went for me.  Selection by floating heads.  Alright, alright, I’ll get off the freakin’ floating heads rant already. 

You know what the weird thing about all this is?

I have had dreams and nightmares about battles and confrontations and they almost feel like memories.  It’s like I was a hero in my past life or something.  I don’t know.  I don’t get it.  But hey, it’s a big day and I’m excited.  And scared #@%^less.  I mean, holy *(#!, I am going to fight monsters and become powerful and probably die a lot.  In case you haven’t noticed, that’s quite a bit to take in.  So, I probably should get to the interesting parts since I’m just really kind of rambling.
Oh, oh, oh, you wanna hear something hilariously messed up though.  Okay, so get this, I ask for a weapon, right?

I’m like, “So, then, do I get a sword and a shield?”


And they were all like, “No.”

That’s it.  Just no.  Okay, maybe not quite.  And I did get a weapon after all.  But it is kind of embarrassing.  Alright alright, let me finish the exchange.

“Instead, you will be blessed with a stick of mighty power.”

“Say what?”

And then, they gave me a stick.  And I’m not exactly sure what this mighty power is, so I asked.

“And what is this mighty power?”

And their response was, “It is mighty power” in very thunderous echoes.  It was ominous and dramatic to say the least.  And annoyingly vague.  But I was never one to push too hard.  Too meek or something (badass hero, right?).  So, there you have it.  I have a stick.  So, the monsters will have to FEAR MY WOOD!!!!  You know what?  Why don’t we just pretend I didn’t write that, okay?  For the most part, I decided to stick with it (see what I did there?).

Moving on.  I don’t know.  There was some bull—- about growing as I go along, so, I got to start low.  I don’t have much in the way of an attention span.  To be honest, I didn’t pay much attention to everything they told me.  I was kind of lost in the epicness of it all.  What can you do, yes?
So, the next part was pretty exciting.  There are other stories that the villagers speak of…such as the forest outside our village.  Mostly, it’s treated as a ghost story.  Something about how only the most skilled warriors can enter the forest or else you won’t come back alive.  That is pretty frightening, I got to admit.  Well, in any case, I had to venture into the forest.  It makes sense when you think about it since it is the only way out.  Although, the mouthy heads did say something like:

“There are always multiple paths to any one place.”

But do I know what the hell they’re talking about?  Of course not, no attention span, remember?  Or do you have a faulty attention span as well (or am I crazy for talking to a journal entry like it’s a real person)?  But I digress, I think.  The only things I got out of this were a stick, a mission, log (that’s you) that keeps track of things and my first destination.  The rest were cryptic as hell.
So, I set out on the dangerous path through the forest.  Everyone cheered me on.  It would be nice if I could remember just one of their names.  Oh well.  I entered the dangerous forest.  And, let me tell you, it was pretty creepy.  Not going to lie.  It was certainly my first time and I was instantly spooked.  The lighting  was sparse so, it was mostly shadowy and limited in visibility.  There were no other sounds from birds or anything like that.  It felt like I was walking through the forest at night when everything was asleep.  But even at night there are crickets or some noises.  For the most part, I just heard the sound of my own feet splashing in the damp grass.  Okay, so, it wasn’t that damp, but that’s my point:  IT WAS THAT QUIET!!!  Seriously, what did the villagers ever settle in a place like this?  Oh well, why ask logical questions that I will probably never get the answers to, right?  I’m looking at you, floating heads.

But where was I?  Oh yeah, dark and creepy forest.  You know what else was off about it?  The trees.  Some of them lacked branches or any kind of wood.  Instead, they were just vines with some flower heads.  In fact, that’s what they were, giant flowers.  Weird?  You don’t know the half of it.  Finally, something happened, although to be honest, I think I had only been traversing for about a few moments.  Still, it felt like an eternity.  Then, something came closer from the pathway ahead.  My first obstacle.  This was it.  This was the moment where my true inner hero would come out to play.  It was time to put up or shut up.  It was…a giant eggplant.

A giant eggplant.

That’s enough to trip anybody out.  So, you know what I did?  This horrific vegetable came at me with fangs bared (you read that right, don’t look at me like that) and bulging eyes on each side of its body.  It didn’t have any arms, neck or head.  Basically, the body was the head and it ran on its skimpy little feet.  It came at me and I, well, I turned and ran and screamed like a little girl.  Yeah, I’m not afraid to admit that.  When a giant eggplant with sharp teeth starts chasing you, it’s a lot scarier than one can imagine.  Unfortunately, it caught up with me and ate me.  Yes, you heard that right.

I DIED!!!

But it wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be.  It was really weird.  It bit me, but instead of feeling something, everything went blank and the next thing I know I’m back at the village.  They gave me another send off despite that strangeness.  The floating heads came back once more and said:

“You have lost a life.  When that happens, you will return to the nearest checkpoint.  Because you hardly made it anywhere, you wimp, your nearest checkpoint is the beginning.  Now go out there and be a man.”

Okay, okay, they might not have said those last few parts, but still.  So, I mustered up whatever courage I could find, grabbed the stick and tried to remember it was a weapon.  And here we are back at the beginning of the forest and the eggplant came at me once more.  This time I swung the stick as hard as I could.  What happened next was quite fascinating.  The eggplant turned a different color from its natural purple to a bright red and flipped over on its head.  It was stuck with its head on the ground while its feet flailed in the air trying to escape.  After that little spectacle, I sounded my battle cry and hit it again.  To my astonishment, the little vegetable of doom exploded into a cloud of nothingness.  Just gone into thin air.  That is when my log (that’s still you) sound on my wrist.  I pushed the little green button and your screen showed me I was awarded some points or something.  The floating heads returned (and scared the #$%! out of me) to inform me about experience points as I go.

“Every time you beat an enemy, help others or solve problems, you will be awarded experience.  When you level up, you will be able to select a new power to increase your person.  It is part of your growth.”

“So, does that mean I could turn this stick into a sword?”

“If it is your wish.”

“Then, let’s do it.”

“You haven’t leveled up yet.”

“I haven’t what?”

“You haven’t leveled up yet.”

“No, I heard you the first time, but didn’t I just get…”

And they were gone before I could finish.  I fiddled with you some more before I found my experience counter.  And it turns out I have quite a ways to go before I could be more awesome.  Ah well, that just meant I had to get cracking.  So, I came across at least two more eggplants in a row.  And you know what I did?  I smacked them both at the same time and they both flipped over.  It was quite an accomplishment.  I must say, I was proud.  Then, I was killed both of them one at a time.  And I earned more experience points.  This stick was pretty awesome.  But at some point, a sword might still be nice.  Who knows what else awaits?  And there were plenty of other veggies headed my way.

Like onions for example.  Why onions?

They took a few more hits before they went down.  I panicked a little bit.  But once they were gone, I earned more experience.  And one of the onions dropped something.  It was glowing, whatever it was.  And then, it flew onto my stick and changed everything about me into some blue glowing person with a blue glowing stick.  And instantly, I knew I could emit some kind of energy from my stick.  So, guess how I cleared the forest?  Yup, that’s right.  I blasted my way out.  Every onion and eggplant fell victims to the wrath of my blue balls.

ENERGY BALLS. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

It was marvelous watching this energy shoot out of my stick like a meteorite and exploding monsters that instantly vanish in the blink of an eye.  And yes, there were spiders and flies as well.  We managed to go from veggies to bugs in a short amount of time.  And I blue blasted them to bonkersville.  Mwuhahahahahahahahaha.

After  I did that, I managed to reach some kind of checkpoint, if you will.  It appeared to be the end of the first path I took and allowed me some breathing space for a bit.  I received extra points for making it this far and I accrued points from my battles.  It was nice.  Still got a way to go before advanced awesomeness.  So this is where I end this entry for now.  I’m tired and want to get some sleep.  It’s been a day.  I will write to you tomorrow, I think.

Take it easy, log.